Dependence
by Antonia-x
Summary: Slight Sam/Dylan; As Sam is forced to accept help from those around her when she falls ill. She finds facing up to her diagnosis unmanageable without support and she and Dylan have to reveal a secret better kept than their marriage.
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1 of 11. **

**So the plan was to update this daily, but I think it's going to be every second day now - well at the very least for the first four or so chapters - because I need to catch up with myself. **

**But, I'm almost certain I've been driving Meggi and Callie mad with the plans for this - and it kept expanding on me - and neither of them having been feeling fantastic recently, so this is my vague attempt at making them feel a little better. Love you both. **

**This chapter didn't initially exist the way it is now, and not much happens really but it does set everything up for chapter two quite nicely; which is pretty much it's sole purpose.**

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><p>She slammed the file down onto the ledge in Resus, tears of frustration filling her eyes, and watched as what seemed like a blurry Zoe began to walk towards her, concern evident across her face, as she did so. She blinked furiously trying to clear the cloudiness from her eyes, before Zoe got any closer to her and began to question her actions. Cautiously, she picked the file back up and stared at, noting almost at once the words blurred again, making it impossible for her read.<p>

Zoe's voice penetrated her thoughts and she was forced to look up at her: "Alright Sam?" she nodded briefly, before raising her hand to her head, realising that the motion had simply aggravated the headache which had been threatening to overwhelm her all morning. "Do you want me to take that?" She could still see the uncertainty in Zoe's eyes as she extended her hand to take the file from her. She handed it over quickly. "Sure you're okay?"

Learning from her previous mistake, she refrained from nodding her head and began to speak: "Yeah, yeah headache, I'm just going to get some Paracetamol." She established she really had to get of the room and away from Zoe's watchful eye. She closed her eyes and attempted to stop the pounding in her head; the crashing of the Resus doors as they wheeled the patient to theatre, forced her to open them again. She noticed Zoe looking at her curiously when she did, she felt Zoe's hand touch her arm, but as hard as she tried she couldn't make Zoe out as anything more than a blurred figure.

Feeling herself sway, she wasn't aware of how she remained on her feet, until she heard Zoe speak: "Sam?"

She blinked, relieved when her vision became clearer briefly. "Yeah?" She stood watching Zoe intently as she waited on her expanding on whatever she was going to say next.

"I think you need to have a little rest." She agreed, but she really didn't want to admit that, because she feared being asked to explain what was going on, and she honestly didn't want to do that because her symptoms simply terrified her. "Alright?" The older medic looked back at her when she asked the next question, seemingly reluctant to let go of her until she was certain she would be steady on her own two feet. She squeezed her eyes shut, as her head continued to pound violently, she clasped her hand to her mouth as she felt nausea swirl dangerously in her stomach, something which obviously did not escape Zoe's noticed because she simply guided her to the nearest bed and helped her up onto it. "Feeling sick?" She failed to answer, purely because she didn't think she could speak in the state she was in and didn't even consider trying to nod her head. Zoe disappeared from her side for moments, before she returned a card bowl in her hands, she held it in front of her, and her stomach swirled again and she found herself retching before being violently sick. She felt Zoe rubbing her back gently, murmuring reassurances, as she was sick again.

She took the tissue which Zoe had offered her gratefully, and wiped her mouth slowly, before turning to face her colleague, aware that her eyes were swimming with tears. "Sorry." She mumbled weakly, as she felt tears leak down her cheeks having escaped their confines as she struggled to watch Zoe look at her so pityingly.

"Hey, no need for that." She reached her hand to Sam's face, frowning when she realised that the younger woman hadn't even noticed the hand which was in front of her face, and wiped at the tears which had begun to spill down her cheeks. "No need for them either, is there?" She watched as the blonde tried to smile but didn't quite manage it. "Let's go have a sit down, yeah? Come on." She walked away to dispose of the card dish, and almost sighed in relief when Sam slipped down from the bed, and nodded her head briefly, before following her out of Resus.

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><p>They sat down in the staff room, and she could sense Zoe's eagerness to begin questioning her before she did, and that was totally what she had wanted to avoid. "Not feeling great, are you?" She shook her head weakly, hoping that Zoe would accept that as a legitimate answer. "Do you want something for your head?" She could tell that Zoe was trying to get her to open up, and as much as she did wish she could take something for her head, she knew that painkillers weren't making any difference, so she shook her head once again, mutely. "What about Dylan, can I get you Dylan?" She let the tears slide down her cheeks, aware that Zoe could see them, and bit her lip trying to refrain from audibly sobbing at the mere mention of her husbands name. Zoe moved to sit next to her and she felt her small frame being enveloped in Zoe's embrace as her body shook with choked sobs, unable to understand why.<p>

She had being murmuring words of comfort into Sam's hair, when she heard the door open to reveal a frantic looking Lloyd. "Dr Hanna, they need you in Resus…" He trailed off shooting Zoe an apologetic look, as Sam caught his attention for the briefest of moments before he turned away quickly. She nodded and smiled as Lloyd pulled the door half closed before heading back to Resus. She pulled away from Sam, and surveyed the distressed girl, before she raised her hands and placed one on either side of her face - afraid that the blonde wouldn't be able to see her, again, she shook that thought from her mind for the time being. "I need to go, Sam, will you be okay?" She watched as the blonde nodded, dropping her gaze to the floor. She stood quickly, taking one of Sam's hands and squeezing it in reassurance as she did so. She had reached the door before she turned to look at her again: "Don't go anywhere, I'll be back in a bit." She closed the door behind herself, inwardly sighing and hoping that no one would disturb Sam until she was back.

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><p>He had been standing at the desk in the middle of the cubicles, waiting somewhat patiently on the return of test results, tapping his pen idly against the counter, when he felt someone stop behind him, he was just about to turn around and demand to know why whoever was behind him was so intent on violating his personal space, when he heard Zoe began to speak quietly: "Have you seen Sam?" The mention of his wife's name, he turned quickly face the brunette doctor, shaking his head and waiting for her to expand: "I don't think she's very well." He took in her words and blinked, indicating his confusion.<p>

With a slight bob of her head, Zoe indicated it would be safer to discuss this in the staff room, and he followed her only seconds later, closing the door behind himself as he entered. She had sat on the sofa nearest the door, and he opted for leaning against the sink, facing her. "What's going on?" When he spoke, he could feel how dry his mouth was and concern was flooding through his veins following Zoe's previous statement.

Zoe put her head in her hands sighing deeply as she tried to find the simplest, yet less frightening way to explain what she observed earlier in the day, when working with Sam. The fact that she hadn't seen the obviously unwell blonde since had sent her to countless possible scenarios, and didn't quench the feeling of fear that had gripped her since she'd witnessed Sam's difficulty to see the chart she was trying to read. "She…" She begun confidently, and suddenly she realised couldn't find a sensitive way to explain this, particularly to Dylan - who would probably assume it was all part of some life threatening illness that no-one else had heard of, he was watching her curiously and she found herself having to tell him. "It looked like she was struggling to see, she couldn't read the chart very quickly and she was really quite hesitant about lifting things, like she wasn't sure she actually had a hold of them." She paused and considered closing her eyes so she didn't have to see the look of complete horror which had crossed Dylan's face, yet he stood there, waiting for further information. "She was sick and she did complain of a headache. Have you seen her today? She's awful pale…"

He sunk down into the sofa next to her, hands covering his face, and she turned to look at him not sure what to say or do; she realised that she was the closest to showing emotion Dylan had ever seemed. She reached out and placed a hand on his arm, expecting it to be immediately shaken off, she frowned when it wasn't and instead she heard him, mumble words into his hands: "Where is she?" She shook her head, despite the fact that she knew he couldn't see her.

"I thought she might've gone to you." She closed her eyes for the briefest of seconds, sighing deeply, remembering the obvious agitation Sam had shown when her vision appeared to be letting her down. She fought back tears as she recalled the devastating consequences these symptoms could have and the painful memories of watching someone so ill came flooding to the surface. She opened her eyes and turn to look at Dylan, who was now looking fairly sick himself. "She was upsetting herself." She wasn't even certain why she had said it, she had considered saying it briefly if Dylan did seem concerned enough, but he did so why the words had slipped from her lips she was unsure.

He was staring off out the staff room window, probably searching for Sam, when he spoke again: "Do you realise what that could mean?" She nodded briefly, and considered reaching over to take his hand, to show some form of support but she decided against it. "We need to find her." He had spoken again, and she wasn't certain if it was to her or to himself but nodded regardless and stood up preparing to leave the staff room and head out to look for the young doctor.

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><p><strong>So yes, the same time (well probably a little later) and place on Friday morning! <strong>

**Anny x **


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2 of 11.**

**Oh, so this got a lot more attention than anticipated.. however, thank you to everyone who reviewed and those who alerted it. I do hope you enjoy chapter 2.**

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><p>He stepped out of the staff room, Zoe on his heels, and he turned round to the face her: "Do you know what that could mean?" He watched as she struggled to form words and answer him, so she simply nodded her head - and despite the public setting he allowed her to take his hand for the briefest of moments, in some sort of gesture of comfort.<p>

Initially they had rushed off in the same direction, causing Charlie to look up at them both in confusion, as Zoe stuck her head around the door to Resus - and although she knew, had Sam been in there, it would mean that they must've passed each other. She knew that Dylan had rushed immediately outside, though she had never know Sam to disappear outside mid-shift she was hopeful that he'd have more chance of tracking her down than her.

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><p>While he never suspected she might be there when he was hurriedly trying to place where she might have went to in the hospital, it was Zoe's words which suddenly circled his mind again, suggesting that she felt that Sam would have went to him if she was frightened but somehow his feet carried him to the darkened CDU. As he put his head around the door, he noted her instantly recognisable form curled up with her head on arms, with the legs tucked under her and he begin to stride purposefully towards her determined to find out what she believed was going on and possibly discuss what he thought just might be going on.<p>

"Sam?" She felt herself being shaken awake, she lifted her head from her arms, cautiously, fully aware of the pounding in her head as she looked up at who had interrupted her peaceful rest. She found herself looking at Dylan, noting the worry that was now fleeting across his face, she did wonder how she looked herself. After what it seemed Dylan had deemed an adequate amount of time to look at her inquisitively, probably taking in a thousand tiny details, he began to speak: "Zoe's looking for you." He paused again, and she was beginning to think that he was going to leave when he moved. Instead, however, he stepped closer to her and crouched down at her side, turning her face so she was facing him. "Aren't you feeling well?" She rubbed the palm of her hand across her forehead roughly, trying desperately to stop the pounding, as she closed her eyes, knowing that tears of complete exhaustion were threatening to fall from behind her closed eyelids. She felt Dylan take her hand, halting her movements, but she couldn't bear to open her eyes and look at him.

She couldn't bring herself to take her hand away from the comfort, that it being in his was providing, so she opted to answer his question as best she could: "I don't know…" Her voice was timid and tearful, and the pain in her head was only increasing; she was beginning to feel quite nauseous, again, but she suspected that, that was because she hadn't eaten since the previous night.

"Talk to me Sam? Zoe's spoken to me, so what happened earlier?" He reached out to hold her face in both his hands, keeping her looking at him, she opened her eyes to reveal the unshed tears which were threatening to fall with complete fear.

She choked back a sob, as the tears began to steadily fall down her pale cheeks, a few deep breaths later, she found herself making an admission which scared her more than she'd ever admit: "I can't see Dylan." Her voice was all but a whisper, and she found herself unable to prevent the sobs which were threatening to overwhelm her. He hadn't been able to respond to her sudden admission and it was through distressing sobs that she had managed to narrow down her cause for concern: "Everything is a blur." He swallowed as he tried to work out how to deal her distressed state, he never normally attended to patients like this, that was always some else's job. She reached out her hands to him, and noticed almost immediately that they were shaking, carefully he moved, taking one of her hands so he could support her. He placed one hand behind her shoulder, and he was relieved when she stood up and began to walk with him. He helped her sit down on the nearest bed, but almost instantly he watched her curl up wrapping her arms around her knees - the only noise she was making was the odd sniffle as she obviously remained crying silently.

The text he had sent to Zoe had only said the letters: 'CDU', but she had arrived only minutes later, looking as worried as he felt. Which was how he came to be standing at the other side of the room, desperately trying to stop the horrifying conditions racing through his mind, watching Zoe pled with an obviously distressed Sam. After a few minutes, she appeared to have coaxed Sam into sitting position, and was gently propping her up with pillows - as the blonde sat apparently lost in a world of her own - before she began bustling about near the water cooler, pouring glasses of water, lifting paper towels and card bowls, before returning to Sam's side and beckoning him over. She handed him the cup of water, when he sat on the edge of bed, and watched Sam's hand almost connect with his own, and she blinked rapidly while moving her hand around trying to find his; the terror etched across her face was all too much and he simply grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly.

He noticed almost instantly that his wife's face appeared to have lost even more colour since he had walked across the room, and he was almost certain that she would be sick sooner rather than later. His consideration was proven only seconds later when Sam had swayed dangerously, and Zoe had quickly made to support her, before placing a cardboard bowl in her hands and gently began rubbing the small of her back in a circular motion, as Sam had paled considerably. He kept the hand he had taken tightly in his, feeling her thin frame shaking, as he noted the now greying tinge Sam's skin tone had adopted. "Feeling sick?" He had questioned her gently, unsure how she'd react to being so vulnerable, but when she had seen her turn her head slightly towards Zoe he realised that he may have to step away from the situation for a minute.

He moved quickly and retreated to the desk watching as Zoe had gently wrapped her arm round her, before settling herself on to the bed, as Sam had coughed and spluttered before throwing up and very promptly bursting into tears. He wasn't entirely sure if he was welcome to return, yet even from his distance he could make out Sam's distressed sobs about wishing to go to sleep; it was then Zoe had raised her head and turned her attention to him, indicating that he could now return to Sam's side. By the time he was, he noted that Sam had managed to somehow make herself comfortable and did appear to be asleep. He brushed a few stray hairs from face before he turned to see where Zoe had went.

Taking one last look at the sleeping Sam, he retreated to Zoe's position three beds away and sat down on the one next to her before she began to speak, quietly so as not to wake Sam, "Do you see what I mean?" He nodded his head in understanding, and was about to respond when Sam had gasped in obvious pain, and her eyes and flickered open and in obvious distress she had began to frantically looking around her - it seemed though she relaxed the moment she had heard their footsteps walking back towards her.

"It's too bright." Both consultants were pulled from their own thoughts by Sam's voice, and turned in time to noticed her closing her eyes tightly - determined to get back into the darkness. "Hurts." She had tearfully whispered the word, and they couldn't be sure who she was telling but Zoe stepped back from the bed - considering the possibility of going to find Nick for assistance - as she watched Dylan attempt to provide his wife with some form of comfort.

Eventually, Zoe noted, that she seemed settled leant against Dylan's chest; head buried in his shirt so she could no longer see the harsh lights. She quickly crossed the room, in order to dim the lights and prevent any further unnecessary distress to the younger woman, before taking the opportunity to join them on the bed. Gently, she took one of Sam's hands, alerting her to the fact that she was there before she began to spoke, exchanging a significant look with Dylan as she did as: "Would you object to a scan?" She watched as Dylan gently dropped his lips to the top of Sam's hair, fear flooding his expression.

She could tell that Sam had tensed in his arms, and she brought her head up to look at him, and spoke quietly: "Why?" The fear which had been captured in the blonde's voice, was enough for Zoe to feel unable to give her an answer.

She watched as Dylan rubbed his hand across one of her shoulders, it seemed in an effort to comfort her, before he spoke softly: "I think you know. I'll stay with you." The blonde made no indication that she had heard what he said, but she did push away from his grip and stand up, swaying dangerously as she did so, gripping the bed frame for support. They had both reached out to take her hand, but very quickly she had backed way and fled through the doors leading out of CDU.

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><p>He sighed in exasperation, and counted to five, before storming through the double doors after her; however, upon noting she was half way down the stairs he simply called after her: "You can't just run away from this, Samantha."<p>

She knew she was having difficulties seeing the stairs in front of her - and she was gripping the banister so tightly are knuckles were white, but she had to get away from Dylan and his diagnostic skills for a while, but as she heard his voice she turned back to look at him and vaguely made out the blurry figure at the top of the stairs to be her husband. She turned back round with the intention of getting to the bottom of the stairs, she took her next step downwards, when a searing pain shot through her head causing her to wince and immediately losing her footing and as she slipped she tried to reach for the banister to support herself. She was unable to do so and found herself tumbling downwards, feeling her head slam against the step before her world transformed into darkness.

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><p><strong>Oh, so feel free to review - they do make me happy.. <strong>

**and I'll see you on Sunday morning, about the same time. **

**Anny x **


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, thank you to the lovely people who have been reading and revieed, and also to those who have alerted (and I assume have been reading) it's nice to know people are actually enjoy what was a bit of a twisted early hours of the morning plot. Anyhow, on with chapter 3..**

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><p>The sounds of screaming and what sounded like a body hitting the floor, had sent her rushing out of CDU, unsure of what was occurring. The first thing she had noticed was Dylan's chalky white complexion as he sunk to the top stair and seemed to be staring down the stairs without actually seeing anything.<p>

Upon closer inspection she realised that Sam lay motionless at the foot of the stairs, both Noel and Big Mac were hovering nearby - as though not certain what to do, and immediately she rushed down the stairs. She fell to her knees at Sam's side, determined to assess the damage: "Sam, it's Zoe, darling, can you hear me?" She let her fingers fall to the blonde's throat, feeling for a pulse as she spoke. Upon receiving no answer she turned to the receptionist: "Get me Jordan, Charlie… and Lenny or Tom." He had disappeared by the time that she turned to the porter: "Big Mac, I need a spinal board and a collar, as fast as you can." She turned her intention back to blonde, willing her to regain consciousness: "Come on, Sam." She turned briefly to attempt to locate any assistance, and as she return her attention to Sam, she allowed her fingers return to her pulse point: "No, no - come on Sam, you're not doing this! Can I get some help over here? Come on sweetheart, hang on a minute…" She tilted her head towards the ceiling and was furiously blinking back tears as she heard the commotion which she could only hope was assistance. "Nick, I've lost output…" She spoke quickly, as she watched the Clinical Lead fall to his knees next to her, as flurry of Tom, Lenny, Linda and Charlie threw necessary items and themselves in their direction.

Nick nudged her out of the way, and she took that opportunity to turn and look at Dylan, who was still chalk white, though he'd now risen from the stair and was standing cautiously looking down them at a sight she wasn't sure she couldn't bare. Her own legs were like jelly as she gripped the banister tightly and began to climb the stairs hoping to coax Dylan down them to wait for further news there. However, it seemed when he had noticed her obvious effort to get to him, he turned very quickly on his heel - without waiting to see the outcome of the desperate attempts for Sam's life, which she, herself, was determinedly trying to block out - and marched purposefully towards CDU, letting the door close with a slam behind him.

As she heard the crashing of the door closing, she decided that it would possible be safer for all involved if she waited a while before she went to reason with the doctor who had obviously been affected by an uncharacteristic force of emotion which he was struggling to deal with. As she turned her herself to head back down the stairs, her attention was immediately grabbed by the sound of Nick's voice: "Okay, we've got output, we need to get her into Resus." She paused on the stairs, realising that her earlier encounter with Sam's motionless thin frame was enough for her to cope with and decided to let them get her into Resus before she joined them, in their assessment of Sam's condition.

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><p>She pushed open the doors, looking at the crowded bed knowing that in the middle of it lay a very tiny, vulnerable and frail Sam and she had began to stride purposefully towards the group of her colleagues, snapping on a pair of gloves as she did - though she was sure her confusion was evident when Nick left supervising at Sam's side, to turn to her for a moment, pulling off a glove as he did so. "We're okay Zoe. Why don't you go have a cup of tea, calm your nerves…" His words however only heightened her confusion, until he reached his now gloveless hand to her face and wiped at her cheek, and she reached her own hand to join his and felt the moisture of tears - which she couldn't remember crying - on her cheeks. She nodded, swallowing quickly, before leaving the room.<p>

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><p>She was aware that Charlie was the last out of Resus, and he had left Sam to rest and probably get over the shock she'd just had. She had a nagging doubt about leaving the blonde alone, when before the fall she was clearly showing some fairly worrying symptoms; she also noted how Sam had failed to share these with anyone when she'd come round but she held her own tongue and decided to wait until she had Sam on her own to talk to her about it, hopefully without scaring the girl senseless this time.<p>

Sensing that this was in fact the most likely opportunity of getting that time, she entered Resus, turning her head slightly as she did so, and quickly looked around the room to ensure that she and Sam were alone. "How are you?" She noticed that blonde, despite not answering her, did turn to look in the right direction and at least she had been able to identify from which direction her voice had travelled.

"I can't see you when you stand there." Sam's voice was low, almost whispered, and Zoe's heart went out to her as she moved to the other side of the bed to attempt to reassure her young colleague. "Why can't I see?" Zoe closed her eyes, before stepping forward and taking the blonde's hand - fully aware of what Sam was attempting to not acknowledge. She didn't want to be the one having to do this she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say a thing, Sam spoke quickly: "I don't want Dylan." The tear that slipped down Sam's cheek did not escape her notice and as the blonde rolled onto her side she stepped further forwards her and tightened her grip on the younger woman's hand - remembering that less than two hours ago, the same blonde had been sobbing into her shoulder.

She watched as Sam seemed lost in her thoughts, every so often looking at the drip they had attached to her, the oxygen mask that lay by her bed, just in case. "We didn't mean to frighten you, before…" She had to speak, because she couldn't stand silence, because she wanted to make Sam acknowledge her - she had to know she was still capable. Her heart broke when she had stepped into Resus once Sam had come round, looking at her colleague, in her twenties barely into her life and she lay there struggling to see, she had seen each of Sam's more obvious symptoms earlier in the day, she knew that their colleagues had assumed Sam was in shock but she couldn't bear to correct them. But Zoe believed that she genuinely knew that what was going on was so much worse than that; she had to get Sam to face up to it, let them try to treat her, if they had to. She wasn't willing to let Sam throw her life away because she was too frightened or too self-conscious to ask for help - help that she didn't need to ask for, they were already there ready to provide it.

She felt Sam's grip on her hand loosen and the younger woman appeared to have drifted into sleep; which maybe could be a good thing, provided the rest made her realise that there really only was way to deal with the situation she was currently in, and that was in fact Dylan's way. Her thoughts drifted to Dylan, as she watched his wife sleep - reluctant to leave her and have her wake up alone - remembering his ashen face as he sat at the top of the stairs watching as his colleagues attempted to resuscitate Sam.

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><p>Sometime later the Clinical Lead had entered the room, taking the moment to take a look at Sam's notes and he quickly made his own observations. Her hand was still holding onto Sam's, as though afraid that if she let go something would change. "She had quite a fall, she's been lucky." She tried to force herself into making some sort of response, though when she didn't she could feel Nick staring at her and she looked away from Sam to let her eyes lock with his.<p>

"She couldn't see Nick." She'd blurted the words out, the moment Nick had looked at her, unable to suppress the fear she was feeling for her younger colleagues health - no matter how much Sam tried to mask it.

He looked up from Sam's chart sharply, upon hearing her words, letting his mouth open and close a few times before he managed to form words: "Since she fell?" She turned his head away from her, looking back at the now sleeping blonde.

"No…" She had begun so much more confidently than she now felt and found herself struggling with the words she knew she had to say. She returned to the blonde's side, and suddenly became aware of the fact that Dylan was not by her side. She moved momentarily to sit down on the stool, nearest the trolley Sam lay on, before taking the blonde's hand in her own, once again, and reached up to place one hand under the cut on her cheek. A cut obviously inflicted in her fall yet despite being Sam's only visible injury it seemed so irrelevant. "She's so young."

On these words she had felt Nick's hand fall on to her shoulder, in a comforting fashion, before he began to speak "What's going on Zoe?"

She couldn't put into words how sick the whole situation was making her feel as she began a second attempt at explaining to the Clinical Lead exactly what was going on with Sam before she slipped on the stairs. "Her vision has been disturbed since this morning; that's why she fell, she couldn't see properly." She couldn't bring herself to look at him, so she began forming a list of things Sam would need in her head.

"Anything else?" Nick's calm voice broke into her thoughts and pulled her harshly back to reality.

"She had started becoming sensitive to the light, headaches…" She trailed off, wondering where exactly Dylan was, and how she should go about expressing her concern that he wasn't there.

"And you didn't think to send her for a scan?" She looked up at his words unsure to go about explain that it was when she had uttered those very words to Sam, the younger woman had panicked and hurried off and consequently taken her horrifying tumble down the stairs, so she simply shook her head.

She watched as Nick eyed her curiously before he began to speak again: "Tell me when you want me to arrange that." She nodded again.

Nick's words were still circling her mind when she let her attention drift to Sam again, and suddenly she made a decision. "Can you get someone to sit with her, so she doesn't wake up alone? I need to go and get Dylan and work out what to do." She never waited on a response, instead she tucked her hair behind her ears and hurried from the room, only looking back as she reached the door to see Nick kick the stool closer to Sam's bedside and sit down, apparently having taken on the responsibility of keeping a bedside vigil himself. She smiled to herself as she recalled the kindness of the man, a kindness she'd always known was there even if he wasn't showing it.

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><p><strong>You can review if you like, they do make me happy.. <strong>

**anyhow, I shall see you on Tuesday morning, until then, Anny. x. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this; **

**I'm glad that you all seem to be enjoying it, even if you seem a little disturbed by what is happening to Sam - though I can't say this chapter makes things any clearer, I hope you like regardless. **

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><p>She pushed open the doors to the dark CDU, which was now only lit by the lamp at the desk, where she found Dylan. His skin had adopted a grey tinge, as he sat staring off into the distance. She stopped a little in front of him "She's asleep. But she needs some things from home." He looked up and there was a fleeting look of realisation that she was talking about Sam across his face, before he quickly looked away again. "I'll go, but I just thought you'd maybe know what she'd like best." He glanced up at her, again, nodding his head then quickly shaking it and dropping his gaze to the table. "It's not your fault, you know." She placed Sam's locker key down in front of him and watched as he picked it up and tapped it gently against the wood, before he stood up and swiftly left the room. She had hopes that he would be heading to use said key and while this interested her greatly, she resolved that she would simply check up on him later and refrain from stalking him around the department ensuring that he was going provide Sam with some sort of comfort.<p>

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><p>Walking into the staff room twenty minutes later she had found Dylan sat at the table staring at Sam's bag, as though wondering if he had permission to open it. She walked up behind him and placed a hand on his back before she said quietly "She needs pyjamas, and some clothes and something that'll comfort her. There is obviously something wrong." He nodded, and pulled at the zip at the very front of her bag, seeming to know that was where she kept her house keys, as he had them in his hand moments later. She lifted Sam's bag and gently placed it back in her locker, closing the door behind her, as Dylan held out the key's to her. "I'll come with you, but you're going to do this for her." He didn't respond, but at the same time she had to note that he also didn't refuse.<p>

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><p>As he pushed the key into the lock, grateful for once at Sam's neglectful use of her alarm system, with Zoe at his heels; the first thing he noted were the subtle hints that Sam's symptoms had been going much longer than just today. The candles, in high number, were dotted about the living room - Sam had never been one for candles, she'd had a few and they were rarely used - but these indicated, at least to him, that Sam's sensitivity of the light had occurred long before she voiced it in CDU earlier that day.<p>

He watched as Zoe stepped past him in the living room doorway and headed towards the kitchen; giving him a moment to look around the room further, picking up the raggedy stuffed cat from the sofa wondering when it had left its resting place at the side of Sam's bed. "Dylan." Zoe's voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he turned to face her as she began walking from the kitchen to stop in front of him, holding various pieces of paper in her hands. "She knew." He glanced up in confusion, unable to see what she was holding, carefully he took the papers from her sitting the cat in his lap as he sat down to read them. Zoe had smiled, a small tight smile, before she stepped back again speaking as she left the room: "I'm going to get some clothes and stuff together."

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><p>He stepped into the bedroom, some time later, taking in the unusual surroundings as he did so, the sat down at the edge of the bed, watching as Zoe rummaged through drawers, hunting for clothes - of some sort - he placed the cat down next to him and watched as Zoe carefully picked out a jumper from the drawer. "Pyjamas, Dylan?" He turn his head at the use of his name, and found Zoe staring at him curiously.<p>

He moved quickly and began to open the drawers beside her bed, in search of pyjamas suitable for a hospital stay. "She knew something was wrong?" By the time he broke the silence which had fallen over them, Zoe was sitting by his side, one hand on his shoulder as he pulled at various sets of pyjamas before looking at Zoe blankly, completely unaware of which Sam would want. She turned around to face him before he spoke quietly again. "Do you think she was frightened?" While she wasn't sure the answer would provide Dylan with any form of comfort, she nodded her head slowly, as she turned to pick a few sets of pyjamas from the floor were Dylan had been placing them.

She placed them at the top of bag and she sat down on the bed, lifting the stuffed cat up thoughtfully; it seemed to be well looked after - which could only suggest to her that it was not something from childhood, although judging by the sparsely decorated rooms Sam kept - she didn't seem to have anything of sentimental value lying around - unless she counted the almost hidden from view photographs, which Dylan appeared to touching delicately, from the angle of where she was sitting she couldn't see what they were of. She considered joining him on the floor, but opted for sitting watching him, feeling he might need to be alone at the moment.

"Did you see her fall?" She had blurted the question, desperate to try to engage him in some form of conversation, just to see how he was without actually having to ask that question and hearing him lie. He nodded briefly, and turned to face her, bringing one of the photos with him. She moved herself down onto the floor and sat down next to him; taking the picture from his hands, as he held it out to her, blinking at the image of Sam holding Dervla's lead in the park, she seemed much younger than she did now. Unsure what to say to him, she simply handed the picture back to him. "She'll be alright. She needs to have a scan, no matter how frightened she is." Once again, he nodded, however she noticed that he still seemed to be remaining remarkably detached from the situation.

Somehow she found her way over to the corner of the room, where Sam seemed to keep her photographs, and studied them slowly, trying to distract herself from the memories that watching Sam earlier that day had pushed to forefront of her mind. "You could give us consent Dylan, if we can say she's not of sound mind." She didn't turn, simply took in the framed photographs, one showing a child she didn't recognise another of Sam on what she assumed was her wedding day with who she guessed were her parents by her side. She opted not to dwell on the fact that the photographs still seemed to be important enough for Sam to have sitting in her bedroom. She paused her hand wavering over the small frame which housed the picture of the child and considered asking Dylan who the picture was of. This thought lasted the briefest of seconds before she decided against it.

"We need to get back." She watched as Dylan nodded in agreement, and made to stand up, she followed him through to the kitchen; watching him stop at the remnants of a smashed mug, something that she'd also noticed, and assumed that the mug was the reason that Sam had seemed to hesitant to lift anything, in fear of not having a hold of it properly. As her eyes surveyed the kitchen for a second time, she picked up items which had simply escaped her notice the first time; in particular the children's dinner set, which stood in the drying rack, as she watched Dylan lift it and make sure it was properly dry before putting it in the carrier bag he found, before opening drawers and cupboards until he reunited the spoon, bowl, plastic tumbler and mug of the same design with the plate, fork and knife.

"Why do you need that?" She only asked because she knew there was no chance of Dylan acknowledging what he had just done and explaining his actions. She blinked as he suddenly left the room, as if the sight of children's dinner set had triggered a realisation, and she followed him to a door she hadn't acknowledged - and almost at once she realised she had yet to lift any toiletries for Sam. He pushed the door opening, leaving it open as he stepped inside.

She decided to grab the toiletries while she was remembering about them, but as she was picking up Sam's toothbrush, she caught sight of a smaller one in a sparkly shade of pink. While she was processing what these unusual items could mean, Dylan surprised her by appearing behind her and speaking for the first time without being prompted. "Do these match?" He held out a small dress and cardigan for her to inspect. She blinked furiously, before nodding. He nodded, in acknowledgement that Zoe had answered, before retreating back to the room he had just left.

She followed him, stepping inside the room and she spoke as she took in her surroundings: "What's her name?" He was picking out a few other clothes, and lifting a teddy from the bed, before dropping that into the pink suitcase he had opened on the floor. He glanced up from the collection of jigsaws and DVDs that sat on the shelf which he was inspecting with distaste.

"Millie." The fact that Sam and Dylan had a child tucked away somewhere, didn't altogether surprise her, had it not been for the fire she suspected she and the rest of their colleagues would still be none the wiser about their relationship.

As she allowed her eyes to drifted around the small room, she noted the first and what seemed to be only hint of Dylan in Sam's small home, in the form of a canvas picture of Sam, Dylan and who she could now assume was a baby Millie - she looked at most a few months old. While Dylan looked mostly the same, he did have a smile on his face - which made him look almost strange; Sam however looked barely twenty, yet happier than she'd ever seen her. "How old is she?" She was sure that Dylan would consider her questions to be bordering on prying but she was now aware that not only was Sam obviously unwell, she had someone who seemed to completely depend on her.

"Almost four." A quick bit of maths, allowed her deduct that Sam would've been at the very most about twenty-two when the picture was taken. She nodded, and joined Dylan on the floor to help him pick out something he could use to occupy a child. She picked out a jigsaw and a few DVDs, before moving towards a toy box which sat in the corner; opening it she selected a colouring book and pencil case.

They had locked Sam's small flat and walked back to Zoe's car in complete silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Zoe knew that she was having difficulty adjusting to that fact that not only had it taken Dylan nine months to reveal he had a wife and in fact he hadn't even been the one to reveal this fact. The fact that they'd manage to let their three year daughter have no impact on their working life had astounded Zoe; a fact that she knew was create all sorts of chaos when she returned to the hospital.

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><p><strong>So that's the secret out more or less; we get to meet Millie next time, however.. <strong>

**Thursday, same time, same place :P **

**Anny. X**.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5 of 11.**

**Good morning, huge thanks to everyone who has been reviewing.. It's lovely to know that you are enjoying it! **

**We've sort of reached the half way point now, so everything is beginning to get revealed and is tip-toeing towards getting resolved. **

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><p>"They bustled back into the ED, a bag each, and Tess turned to look at them curiously: "Moving in?" Zoe dropped her eyes to the bag she was carrying, as Dylan pushed by her and walked straight back to into Resus, probably to see how much had changed.<p>

"Don't ask." She smiled at Tess, who remained staring between her and the pink suitcase she had been trailing behind her, "There's a daughter." She watched as some sort of realisation crossed Tess' features.

"Millie?" Zoe nodded though he face obviously expressed her confusion because Tess quickly expanded: "She woke up briefly and asked for Millie, got herself a bit upset because no-one knew who she was talking about, but Charlie managed to calm her down and get her back to sleep." Zoe nodded, before realising that she had no idea where the mysterious child was, she concluded that she must really ask Dylan about this before he got caught up in telling people how to treat Sam.

Before she even knew what was happening she'd found herself being tasked with standing outside waiting on Sam's sister dropping off little Millie, despite no idea what the child looked like, nor what Sam's sister looked like. But she couldn't bare to insist that Dylan do this himself and leave Sam to sit alone, in her terrified state.

Which was why she found herself stubbing a cigarette out against the hospital wall; wondering vaguely if telling Nick was the best thing to do in the circumstances because she had know idea if he had mentioned anything to Sam about her possible condition. She was immediately distracted by the sight of a woman, who looked similar to Sam, emerging from a taxi and gently scooping out a little girl from the seat next to her. She could see her disinterest in the child, the moment the little girl looked up at her and beginning to speak animatedly. They approached her quickly, the woman, who she had assumed to be older than Sam, sounded as disinterested as she looked when she began to speak: "Are you Zoe? Dylan said I'd to meet Zoe outside." She nodded quickly and suddenly found the little blonde girl being pushed towards her, her hand already outstretched as though fully aware of what was going to happen.

She looked from the girl, who she now knew to be Millie Keogh, to her aunt trying to think of something to say: "Aren't you going to see Sam?" She blinked in confusion as the blonde woman, shook her head before getting back into the taxi and departed without saying a word to her or the child, now entrusted into her care.

She tried to push her feelings on the meeting with Sam's relative to the back of her mind, as she decided that she should probably focus her attention on the small girl who shared none of Zoe's confusion "Can I see Mummy?" Zoe glanced down at the child, who had been very quick to accept her hand and showed no distrust in her as she was left standing outside the hospital. She nodded her head, and began walking inside, the small child at her side, head turning quickly to examine all of her new surroundings.

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><p>She watched as the little blonde girl rushed to Dylan's side upon her arrival in Resus and immediately took that as her cue to leave them to it - she noted as she reached the door, that Dylan had placed Millie up on the trolley where Sam lay before sitting down by their side on the stool Nick had been last seen on. Briefly she wondered where the Clinical Lead was, but she decided to dwell on that later and instead she let the door to Resus swing closed behind her.<p>

She had been standing talking to Noel for a little under ten minutes when she heard some sort of commotion coming from Resus, as she stuck her head around the door her attention was immediately captured the curled up shaking figure of a vulnerable Sam indicating the girl had been somehow reduced to tears. She noted the fleeting look of relief on Dylan's face, when he looked up and immediately realised she would be the ideal solution to how he'd manage to consol both Sam and the now terrified looking Millie, whose little eyes didn't seem to leave her sobbing mother. "Zoe, could you…" She nodded instantly, and soon found herself lifting the crying blonde child from Dylan's arms into her own.

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><p>He waited until Millie was safe in Zoe's arms, again, before he returned to Sam - he had to convince her to consent to the scan, they had to get to the bottom of what was going on, quite literally in Sam's head. He sat half way up the bed where Sam had curled up, adamantly refusing to seek any form of medical assistance with a clear medical problem. "Sam, please?" He watched as his wife, shook her head without rising from the bed and tugged the covers further around herself. "For Millie's sake, can you agree to the scan." She watched as his wife turned onto her side, to look at him intently.<p>

He wasn't aware of what he had said wrong, but from the look on her face he was sure something with what he said he angered her: "To find out I'm not going to see her grow up." The moment the words were out her mouth, she had turned back around and resumed sobbing into the pillow.

He moved around the bed to sit on the other side, so he could see her face again, he took her hand forcing her to look at him: "No." He was unsure how he was going to try and lessen her fears, but he could see the blank look in her eyes and he wasn't sure if that was anything to do with how afraid she was or because she could see properly. "I want you to have the scan… I need you to have the scan, Sam." He stopped unable to work out how to tell her what he was thinking. "I need to know that you are okay." Sam looked up at him, struggling into sitting position to take his other hand. They sat in silence, as it seemed his words were circling her head.

She dropped his hands after a few moments and sunk down to the bed again, pulling the blankets tightly around herself as she did so, provoking concern from Dylan, he watched her eyes close tightly, before hissing in pain and placing a hand to her forehead. He couldn't think of anything to say her, so he pulled the blankets higher up on her body, before crossing the room, and switching any unnecessary lights off, hoping to provide her with some comfort and lessen the pain she was going through. "Is it blurry?" He watched nervously, as Sam attempted to close her eyes more tightly, unsure how he was supposed to reassure the obviously distressed blonde, that a scan would be the best thing for her.

Eventually, she nodded weakly, her distress evidently in every syllable of her words: "My head really hurts."

He nodded sympathetically, racking his brain to find some form of suitable painkiller, in a vain hope that pain relief may help Sam's obviously distressed state. When he realised he wasn't certain about any pain relief Sam had already been given, he made a mental note to quiz Mr Jordan on it the next time he seen him, before returning to Sam's side and taking her hand in his - letting his thumb rub soothing circles into the palm of her hand. He was relieved when she seemed to relax, though he did note that she'd buried her head into the darkness of the pillow as she curled on to her side.

"Sam, please?" There was pleading in his voice, and even he wouldn't deny that, nor did he care at this particular moment.

"If I do and it's bad news, will you be there for Millie?" Her voice was muffled by the pillow, but he was almost certain that he had heard her correctly - in a way, he was furious that she felt she had to even ask the question however it suddenly put a whole new perspective on the way in which Sam was thinking.

"If I promise, will you go for the scan?" He hated himself for what he was doing, particularly to Sam, because there was no doubt in his mind that he'd be there for Millie - but to simply bargain with Sam like that over his own daughter's future seemed horrifically cruel but he was willing to do anything which got him the answer he needed. Slowly she nodded, he took this as all the indication that he needed and he turned to catch Zoe's eye and nod - to allow her to bring Millie back to Sam.

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><p>The moment she had agreed to the scan, Zoe was back in Resus, placing Millie back into her arms and beginning to make plans. She was talking with Dylan in hushed whispers a few paces away, and she supposed that if she hadn't had Millie to distract her she'd be much more interested in what they were discussing. From the moment the sensitivity to the light had begun half way through her shift the day before, she had known something wasn't just quite right.<p>

She clung on to Millie desperately as Linda attempted to lift her daughter from her bed, so they could take her for the scan she had reluctantly agreed to, only because she knew she would've been overruled had she refused anymore. "Sam, let Linda take her." She blinked at Dylan's words, trying to establish when he had found it necessary to learn Linda's name and why he seemed to think it acceptable to let them take her daughter from her. She let go of Millie's hands, and dissolved into steady tears, as Linda lifted the toddler from the bed, and from her and into her own arms.

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><p>Linda closed her eyes as she left Resus, quickly letting Tom take the girl from her arms and immediately begin amusing her. She took a steady breaths, as she fought back tears at the sheer cruelty of what she had just been forced to do. She glanced around, opening her eyes to look into Resus and was forced to take in the sight of Zoe and Dylan still trying desperately to comfort am obviously terrified and distressed Sam. Charlie appeared at her side, looking up at once and then twice before he leant in close to her and quietly spoke: "You alright?" She nodded, and turned to face Charlie shooting him a small smile "The sooner that scan gets done the better. Don't upset yourself about it, I'm sure she'll be fine."<p>

Charlie had placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before she said, equally as quietly: "It's not that." She turned to glanced at the child sitting on Tom's knee as she flicked through a colouring book, and noted that Charlie had turned his attention to the child as well, and was smiling softly at the sight. "I had to take her off Sam, that's why she's in such a state." Charlie nodded in understanding. "She's lovely, isn't she?"

"Yeah, yeah she is. They kept her quiet though..." It was Linda's turn to nod in understanding, because truthfully they had managed to keep their daughter quiet. She admired the ability to do that, in a way, just being able to juggle your life around so that you became the definition of coping.

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><p><strong>So, part 6 will be up on Saturday morning..<strong>

**Feel free to review and tell me what you thought.. **

**Anny. x. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6 of 11.**

**Hello, thanks to the lovely people who have been reviewing - we are beginning to get some answers in this chapter, and maybe some more questions too... **

**However, enjoy. **

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><p>The moment Linda had left the room with Millie, Zoe had suspected that her young colleague would react badly; Sam had curled into a ball squeezing her eyes tightly shut and her entire body had shaken with suppressed sobs, while Dylan had ran his fingers through her hair determined to pacify her somehow. It was this simple action by Dylan, however, that had caused complete agitation to flare up in Sam and she had lashed out at her husband determinedly pushing him away and the suppressed sobs had soon descended into furious tears showing the complete distress that she was feeling. Upon, her adverse reaction to him, Zoe had watched Dylan visibly shy away from her bedside and he crossed Resus, seeming determined to get away from her.<p>

Dylan was facing the wall, as far away from Sam as he had deemed possible, while Zoe was gently trying to grab the wrists of a distressed Sam, who was lashing out at anyone and anything; Zoe couldn't be certain that it was through fear or anger at having Millie taken from her, but she had concluded that if she could get Sam wrapped into some from of comforting embrace she'd maybe to be able to reassure the blonde. "Sam, sweetheart, calm down…" Reluctantly the blonde had stopped struggled and had allowed Zoe to wrap an arm around her back, pulling her to her side. "I know you are frightened. But I promise, neither of us are going to leave you." It was when she heard the blonde sniffling, that she realised her distress and fear had moved from choked sobs to peaceful tears, from startled wide eyes that made Zoe realise just how young Sam truly was. She had always put on an act of being older than her years - well so it had seemed - to the outside world, to see her so broken and vulnerable came as a shock to Zoe who prided herself on being unable to be fazed by anything her job could throw at her.

It seemed Dylan had found the ceasing of his wife's sobs as his cue to return and took Zoe's place by her side, while she went outside to inform Big Mac that they were in fact ready to take Sam to get the much needed scan - while to their colleagues, the scan was simply to check that everything was okay following her fall, Zoe had to note that they were all seemly taking to this as a serious task.

She had clutched tightly at Dylan's hand the moment they had left Resus, an action that Zoe noticed she had remained to do, until she was forced to let go. She desperately wanted to not have to watch in silence as the couple had a whispered conversation before Sam nodded her consent slightly, and Dylan ran his fingers through her hair one final time before retreating behind the door and he could only watch from a far. She noticed then how the frightened young woman seemed to freeze completely when she had lay down as instructed, and waited on the slow moving of the machine, perhaps it was a hazard of the job - knowing too much about what these machines could reveal.

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><p>Time seemed to stop when they had seen the mass on the scan; near to the occipital lobe and clearly what was causing Sam's vision problems, Zoe had felt sick to her stomach and while she knew this would need to be confirmed, she considered that she would, also, have to tell Sam the truth. Dylan, however, had visibly paled and quickly retreated from the room after one final sad look in Sam's direction.<p>

Dylan's disappearance had consequently left Zoe herself having to deliver the news to Sam; she had waited until Sam was back in the safety of a cubicle as far away from prying eyes as possible and she had sought some advice from both Tess and Charlie having relayed the distressing news to them. She had decided that they were her best options when she had decided to seek a second opinion on how to break the news, other than Nick, and she wasn't sure herself whether or not she was ready to bring up this particular topic with him yet.

She had taken the news surprisingly well, and Zoe wasn't entirely sure whether the blonde had actually taken in her words - as she lay there, seeming staring off at the blue curtain pulled around her bed, calmly accepting everything that Zoe had to say. She had expected Sam to ask for Dylan, and admitted to herself that she was surprised when the blonde hadn't. The first few moments of silence had been fine, but when it had reached the ten minute period, it had drifted into uncomfortable silence and Zoe wasn't sure what to say. She stood up to leave, planning on going to find Linda and ask her to bring Millie to Sam, before returning unsure if the blonde stood have been left on her own, just yet.

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><p>She noticed Linda walking into the cubicle, Millie however, was beneath her eyeline, and it was her little girl's voice that indicated to Sam that Linda had brought her, her daughter. "Daddy brought you, your cat." As Zoe picked her up and sat her at the edge of Sam's bed, so she could rest in the crook of Sam's arm, her tiny arms stretched out to hand her the stuffed cat - that she had taken comfort from the night before. She placed it to her other side, and felt her eyes fill up, as she reflected on all the stuffed cat symbolised; she'd never been so grateful for Zoe than she had been today, even now when she was lifting Millie away from her and handing her back to Linda.<p>

When she realised that the entire provocation of Sam's distress this time around seemed to stem entirely, from the stuffed toy cat which obviously held more sentimental value than anything else; she had been certain at the time that carrying it around Sam's flat had seemed to provide Dylan with a sense of comfort: "Dylan carried it around the flat with him, I didn't realise he'd brought it with him." She was relieved when her words appeared to have the desired effect and brought Sam's painful sobs to a halt.

With her crying ceased, Zoe placed a hand in hers, and she seemed to feel the need to explain herself, she placed the teddy on to her knee as she began to speak - still appearing to seek comfort from a time in her past, as she noticed her left hand was still clinging onto the cat tightly: "He got me him." Zoe watched, with interest as Sam lifted the stuffed toy to her chest before beginning to cry once again. She felt helpless and all she could do was wrap her arm around the sobbing girl, letting her crying into her shoulder. "He said I needed something to hold." Although her words were punctuated by her sobs, she was certain that she'd heard them correctly yet she still seemed perplexed by their meaning.

She let her arm unwind from Sam's shoulder as the younger woman, shifted herself into a tight ball on the bed, clinging on the stuffed cat as if her life depended on it - Zoe was forced to admit defeat and realise that there was something about this situation, or the memory the woman's small daughter appeared to have reawakened that seemed too personal for her to be able to deal with. Her mind travelled immediately to the one person who could possibly help in this moment, despite the fact that he had already fled from the situation: "Can I get Dylan for you?" She ran her fingers gently through Sam's long blonde hair, in an attempt to consol her.

Sam raised her head, letting her water filled eyes meet hers, as she sniffled slightly, trying to stop the tears in order to speak: "Can you?" Her heart went out the girl, who quickly resumed sobbing into the pillow, and Zoe could only nod before rising to go and find the distraught woman's husband.

Unsure about leaving the obviously distraught Sam alone, she quickly tracked down Tess and sent her in Sam's direction hoping that she could at least provide some comfort until she had located and returned with the younger woman's husband.

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><p>She went to one place that she was almost certain that Dylan would be; the pushed open the doors to CDU, hoping no one had been admitted there recently and she caught sight of the detached consultant. "Dylan?" She had called his name, and had not missed his short jump of surprise obviously unaware that she had entered the room. She spoke again, when she realised that he was not planning on replying to her. "Busy?" When her question was once again met with silence, she opted for emotional blackmail: "Can you go to Sam, Millie gave her the cat - she got a bit weepy." His eyes had snapped up to met hers then, and she could almost see the cogs working in his mind - as though he was weighing up his ability to go and attempt to comfort his young wife.<p>

The confusion she felt about the complexities of the Keogh's marriage, she was certain, was etched across her face the moment that Dylan, seemed to deem it appropriate to explain his distressed wife's out of character and unusual behaviour, when she was reunited with a small stuffed animal. "She'd had a miscarriage." As Dylan said the words, she struggled with the concept that he could speak so bluntly about what was obviously a distressing time for them, as was the case for any couple, but it was the sense of complete calmness which had throw her completely when he spoke of the child whose loss still affected his wife so deeply. It was while she was struggling to accept what Dylan was saying to her and his reluctance to show emotion she pondered whether or not he had fathered the child who Sam seemed to still be grieving for even if it was on some unconscious level.

"Sorry?" As the word left her lips it felt inadequate, and she hoped that he would understand it as the question she was asking and not as the shortest, meaningless word of condolence she could offer.

"The cat." She was almost relieved when Dylan went on to explain himself further, and while the whole concept of the cat providing Sam with a comfort that it seemed Dylan felt unable to provide her with seemed strange she chose not to voice that and simply waited, in hope, that Dylan may expand on his explanation. "I got the cat when she had a miscarriage, she just wouldn't stop crying." Once the words had left his mouth he seemed to stop, as though that was all he had to say on the subject - she didn't know quite how to react to someone talking about the loss of a child, particularly a child, who was presumably their own, with such an air of detachment. "The shop only had a cat left, and I needed her to stop crying."

Feeling unable to say anything else, she used her same word, this air as a word of condolence. "I'm sorry Dylan." She noted that her companion never responded to the statement, however, despite the devastating nature of Dylan's revelation, in a way she was relieved to now know what was causing Sam so much distress and heartache.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, <strong>

**The next chapter will be up on Monday morning. **

**Anny x **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to all those who been reading, and those who reviewed the last chapter. **

**I think all this chapter does is provide more questions, but I promise thing start getting explained soon. **

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><p>She knew that Zoe had sent Tess, there was no other way about it, yet for the time being she was happy to accept the support that Tess was providing. "It'll be okay…" She could hear Tess murmuring the words as she rubbed soothing circles on the small of her back, and began to shake her head frantically disputing Tess' claims.<p>

Her mind had completely wandered to the day she had told her soon-to-be husband that she thought she was pregnant, particularly given his reaction to being told she was pregnant before. "He didn't want Millie, he was so angry…" She closed her eyes aware that Tess was looking at her concern etched all over her face when she'd heard the words. "… and what if I don't get better and he still doesn't want her, what's going to happen to my little girl?" Her head was spinning from the realisation that following the scan she had been coerced into going for had somewhat put more doubt on her young daughter's future than her own. She knew Tess was struggling to find any words of reassurance, yet a small part of her was seeking comfort as she rested her head against the nurse's shoulder while she continued to rub her hand across her back in a consoling manner, probably hoping to encourage her to sleep.

She couldn't explain how Sam's words had made her feel; but she felt that she had some sort of responsibility to her to attempt to pacify her fears and reassure her: "I'm sure Dylan absolutely loves Millie… she's his little girl, he'd never let any harm come to her." She paused, her confusion remaining hoping that the emotionally drained young doctor would allow some one to support her.

She felt the younger woman move her head from her shoulder and watched as she lay down, mumbling into the pillow, "I want her to be safe…"

"I know, darling, I know…" She spoke quietly, as she moved across to sit on the bed, running her fingers through Sam's hair. "Zoe's going to be back to see you in a moment, to talk about what you've got to do next, you still don't what's going on yet." She watched as the girl reacted to her words with tears, and she continued to run her fingers through her long blonde hair, noting that it had provided some degree of comfort earlier.

She had managed to stop the uncharacteristic tears sometime later, but at the same time she'd had grabbed on to Tess' hand essentially refusing to let the nurse leave her side. Tess had asked no questions, but she found that now she had begun talking about Millie, she couldn't put a halt to the words. "I was frightened."

She moved to sit in front of the younger woman before she spoke, "When?" She glanced back towards the girl, certain that the confusion was evident on her face.

She wasn't even certain what the woman was talking about, she moved her hand to reach up and touch Sam's cheek, offering her silent support, "When I found out I was pregnant, I just tried to ignore it until I couldn't anymore…" Sam paused, glancing towards her, a look of uncertainty and alarm crossing her face before she began to speak again, much more quietly, "I didn't want to tell him." She glanced towards the girl, trying to put her question of confusion into a caring look, as she tried to establish why she had been so fearful of telling Dylan her news.

Within a few moments, Sam had averted her gaze and was picking aimlessly at a loose thread on the blanket while she spoke: "He was so angry with me. He kept shouting…" She watched sadly as the girl in front of her, dissolved into a stream of tears and clung on to her hand.

She managed to pull Sam to her, letting the girl cry into her chest as she rubbed her hands in soothing circular motions across her back, whispering words of comfort. "It's alright, it's alright. Everything is going to be fine." She has watched Sam smile a little at that, but she had remained within the comfort of her arms.

When Sam had finally felt able to continue with what she had been saying, her voice was choked and hushed: "…he told me that what I'd done was irresponsible that we wouldn't be able to cope." She paused momentarily, seemingly struggling with how to express what she wanted to say, she however had waited patiently - aware that what Sam had been saying to her, appeared to have been bottled up for the past four years. "I think we coped… I think I coped." Sam had looked up and met her gaze then, speaking more confidently than she had been before "I was coping until the weekend."

She spoke quietly, trying her best to reassure the girl, while her mind was drifting to Dylan and where he actually was when Sam needed him the most. "We'll make sure Millie's safe while you're in here; I promise."

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><p>She pulled a chair across the floor, stopping when she reached the desk and carefully sat herself down opposite him before she reached over the desk and put her hand over Dylan's, unsure what to do or say in the circumstances. "Yes, well…"His tone of voice suggested that this action was something which he found uncomfortable and as he cleared his throat she removed her hand from his and paused to see if he would explain any further. "It was a long time ago now." He turned quickly to the file he had originally been staring at when she'd interrupted him and forced her thoughts back to the distressed woman she'd left crying her heart out at in a small, cold ED cubicle.<p>

Without looking up from her finger nails, which she had just begun to examine carefully, she began to speak softly - hoping to provoke a reaction from the detached man sitting in at the opposite side of the desk. "She is obviously still hurting about it Dylan."

He didn't flinch, yet she was surprised why he replied so honestly: "Do you think her falling pregnant was what we'd planned?"

"I doubt that would stop it hurting…" She regretted the words the moment they had left her mouth wondering whether or not that's his air of disinterest in the whole thing was a mask to cover how deeply the situation had affected him. "Did you…" She trailed off unsure about whether it was in fact her business or how to go about asking whether or not Dylan had provided Sam with any form of comfort that day, other than providing her with a stuffed toy.

"Did I what?" He had snapped at her, however, she let the words go over her head aware that he may react that way. "It was a busy day, I had people to assess." He had spoken quietly, as though he was aware that he hadn't reacted ideally at the time but he would never admit that, so he simply chose to attempt to defend his actions. "She had to be assessed Zoe, it was the worst possibly timing." He paused briefly, looking at her as though challenging her to tell him his actions were incorrect.

"Supportive as ever then…" She wasn't certain whether or not that she had said the words out loud but she knew she had thought them, she shook her head softly in disbelief but then realised that she probably shouldn't even be that shocked by Dylan's reaction to news that should have sparked some sort of emotion in him.

When Dylan has taken it upon himself to reply to her she realised that must have muttered her observation aloud. "We weren't together, not then, we were drunk, we'd had an awful day Zoe." She tried desperately not to react to Dylan's sudden admission, though it was not lost on her that what he had been telling seemed surprisingly out of character for both parties. The thoughts which were circling her mind halted when she heard Dylan begin to speak again. "I don't even know now, what she expected me to do when she told me she was pregnant. I needed to sort my head out, I told her we'd talk the next day." Once again, he paused, this time his eyes closed and he seemed to be reflecting on the situation that he and Sam had found themselves in years previously. "Then the next day there was no baby anymore. I've never seen her in so much pain. She was crying and the pain just didn't seem to stop, not all day." He stopped speaking abruptly and stared at Zoe as though waiting on her to respond to this particular announcement. She didn't know what to say and the situation made her feel sick, if she was being truthful with herself, as her mind clearly envisaged Dylan trying not to show emotion and a very young distraught Sam.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to be in the situation, which was ironic given the amount of time she'd spent trying to get herself involved in this very situation in order to understand the complexities of the Keogh's marriage. Something inside her compelled her to dig deeper and find out more, she took this to be her natural flare for finding out information and her own nosiness. "How old was she Dylan?"

"Twenty-two…" He wasn't surprised when he trailed off upon answering the question, and turned him around by at least forty-five degrees to stare at the blank wall, in order to avoid looking at her.

She knew in that moment that she could not make any reference to the age gap, to how young Sam was, she just had to simply accept what Dylan was saying before she could try to make him understand why Sam felt so low that day. "She probably just wanted a bit of support, some reassurance." She paused to briefly consider how to explain that Sam needed the same support from her husband that day as she did right now. "It's hardly any different from now you need to go and see her, give her a bit of support, come on…"

She sighed with relief when Dylan eventually stood from the seat behind the desk and begun to walk out the ward in front of her; she was aware that she had coerced him to go and see his wife, but she hoped that, that particular part of Dylan's visit would be lost on Sam.

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><p>She had managed to reassure Tess that she was fine to be left alone, only moments before she heard the curtain being pulled open and she was forced to open her eyes and look to see who had decided to disturb what she had wanted to be a peaceful slumber. She closed her eyes again, when she realised that it was Dylan, who was closely followed by Zoe, though she did seem to hang back when he stepped closer until he was standing by her bedside.<p>

"Can I watch Millie, while you're in here?" She nodded weakly, at Dylan's question, aware of Zoe's presence in the room. She desperately wanted her answer to be an end to the matter, but the fact that Dylan had decided he had to ask, made it perfectly obviously that he was still bitter about her over- looking him as a possible guardian for Millie while she was in Afghanistan. She knew that it looked odd to not let Dylan watch their daughter but she had her reasons and she sure Dylan had understood them even if others hadn't. She could hear the next question before he had said it, and felt that Zoe's presence in the room, would mean she would have to explain her actions aloud to Dylan for the first time. She hadn't even been able to articulate that decision to Dylan so she had no idea how she would be able to do so with another person present. However, neither questioned why Millie was not handing into her father's care upon her departure so she allowed Dylan to slip his hand into hers and closed her eyes unable to fight the exhaustion of the day.

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><p><strong>So I'm sure it'll be up a little earlier on Wednesday morning; to many distractions today. <strong>

**However, thank you for reading. **

**Anny x **


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8 of 11.**

**I'm not a fan of giving answers it would seem; but, yeah, they'll arrive in the last two parts I think. Everyone just needs to get through the necessary activities first. **

**Once, again, thanks to everyone who has reviewed the previous chapter - I'm aware that I've not responded to any of these yet but I will do, probably later today. **

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><p>As he pushed open the curtain and found himself staring at the clinical white of the painted walls, as he made his swift exit, he found himself wondering whether it was the sudden change in circumstance, which meant within his preferred environment that he was no longer impartial, that forced him away from the cubicle. As he accepted, momentarily, that it was distinctly possibly that his emotions could be in fact getting the better of him, after seeing Sam lying there looking so frail, ill and above all frightened - he also realised that he knew Sam well enough to understand that the fear which was radiating from her was everything to do with how out of her own control the situation she was currently in was and less to do with the severity of the possible outcome.<p>

He had witnessed a future of him struggling and failing to raise Millie - as he had watched Sam's complexion pale throughout the morning, purely down to her complete alarm as the time neared her theatre slot. Though he knew it wasn't just seeing Sam looking so ill - it was also largely based on the awful time he and Millie had the evening previously. The girl had spent half the night sobbing for her mum and a different book than the one he had packed, then she had offended Dervla by not remembering her and his faithful companion had spent the remainder of the night and the best part of that morning in the corner of the kitchen, in what he could only describe as a sulk.

He stomped down to CDU, having decided to fully immerse himself in work to hide from the activities which would be occurring upstairs. He had even briefly considered heading to that pub everyone else seems to go to after work and spending the day there - but having already walked away from Sam when she had probably needed him most, he pushed the thought away the moment it entered his head, feeling unwilling to both abandon her and betray her trust in the space of half an hour. He'd been there for the best part of ten minutes, when he seen the Clinical Lead stick his head around the door, though neither man said a word to the other, before Mr. Jordan disappeared as suddenly and quietly as he had appeared.

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><p>The slightly muffled sobs where is first indication as to which cubicle Sam occupied, and as he noted her tears with distress, he wondered briefly what had occurred between husband and wife that had influenced Dylan's decision to leave her bedside so soon to an operation which would determine not only his wife's future but that of their only child. As quickly as the thought had entered his mind, he forced it away realising that knowing that would probably not help the situation he had now found himself in. He walked around the cramped cubicle to reach Sam's side, taking her hand, and he almost felt guilty when the woman raised her head from the pillow she'd been crying into and realised that he was not her husband. Yet something inside him felt instantly protective the moment the look of complete devastation had crossed her face and he sat himself on the seat at the side of her bed moving her long blonde locks out of her face, as she rolled onto her side to face him, he moved his hand from her hair to her face to wipe at the salty tears which were still falling rapidly, albeit now silently, from her eyes.<p>

"Shh.." He moved closer to the bed, resuming brushing his fingers through her hair, as her distressed sobs began to strengthen again, hoping to pacify her somehow with his actions. "It'll all be over soon…" He trailed off when he felt her hand take his preventing him from continuing his actions, and she suddenly sat upright - yet her hand still clutched his desperately. He wasn't certain why he had felt the need to provide her with so much comfort, but he reflected as he pulled the girl against his chest and effectively into his arms, that perhaps it was everything to do with the fact that he knew exactly what she was going through. "I know, I know how scary it is - but I promise it'll be over before you know it Sam…" She never vocally responded to his words, but despite her seemingly trembling in complete fear, he had managed to notice that she had nodded her head. He let his arms wrap around her further, holding her steadily as he returned his fingers to her hair - through the previous days he had noted it had seemed to be the preferred method of consolation to anyone who had been placed in charge of calming the young doctor down.

He glanced at his watch realising that he had agreed to a meeting five minutes previously, he look down towards Sam, thinking of how he was going to break the news that he was going to have to leave her when he noted her eyes fluttering shut sleepily before she forced them open. He moved her away from him, gently, and as he looked at her he notice her seemingly internal struggle to keep her eyes open - he suspected the tears and stress of the situation had worn her out, "Just you have a little rest. I need to go, I'll be back in ten, fifteen minutes though." He watched her nod slowly and slip herself beneath the blankets again, before she closed her eyes and gave into exhaustion. He couldn't shake the thoughts of her looking so lost and child-like even as she slept when he scrubbed a hand over his face and headed towards the door.

He stepped into the corridor, and was increasingly grateful when he heard the sound of heels resounding moments before the woman in question came into view. "Frances…" He began in welcome, "Thanks for coming." She shook her head and waved her hand, indicating that it was no trouble.

"You said she was young?" He turned his head briefly to look back inside, trying to catch a glimpse of Sam - but she appeared to have cocooned herself in blankets yet again, now she was alone. She followed his eyeline, and turned to face him confusion apparent.

From somewhere, he managed to pluck up the courage to form words, "Twenty-six. She has a three year old." He wasn't certain why he found himself stating Millie Keogh's existence but he noted swiftly, that Frances did seem to accept the information, before she pushed open the door. "You've read her notes?" He watched as his companion nodded, and raised an eyebrow as though doubting the ability to bring the better news from the operating theatre with her. He sighed disappointedly before continuing, "Can we go get a coffee? She's just gone to sleep." Without another word she followed him swiftly from the corridor.

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><p>She stepped into the ward, as quietly as her shoes could manage - consequently she was practically tip-toeing across the room, and quickly located Sam - though she still appeared to be asleep like Nick had informed her - he had also only allowed her ten minutes worth of visiting time before he was coming back into to introduce Sam and Frances. She sat down on the seat nearest the bed, and gently reached out to touch Sam's shoulder to shake her awake.<p>

She moved her hand as the blonde stirred slightly, and stretched before turning to see who had woken her. "Sorry," She began softly as she wondered how tactfully she could inform the already distressed woman that Dylan had seemingly handed Millie's care over to her - and how much she believed that this decision was based on his fairly negative experience the previous evening. She had known about quarter to midnight when she had received a phone call from Dylan, who was in a complete flap - though she was certain had to accuse him that he would deny it firmly - that Sam's situation was causing her younger daughter great distress. "How're you feeling?" She watched as the blonde furrowed her brow in confusion to the question, before opening her mouth and then closing it, as though it was the first time she had attempted words in a while.

The blonde woman moved herself into what she obviously found was a more comfortable position before she spoke, "A little better." Sam's voice remained small, and her look terrified as she noted that Sam was eyeing her suspiciously.

"Listen, Sam…" She trailed off waiting until she was certain that the younger woman was taking in her words, "…I'm going to take Millie today." She said quietly before pausing briefly waiting on Sam to react, when she didn't however, she chose to press the issue hoping that she wouldn't object "That is okay, isn't it?" She noticed the look of sadness descend over the girl's face, before she nodded softly and reached out to squeeze her hand.

She let Sam lie with her hand in hers for a few minutes unsure why but if it was providing the girl with any sort of comfort she wasn't willing to take that away from her. However, the ward doors swung open moments later, and Nick strode purposefully into the room - she looked up properly at the sound of heels hitting the floor and recognised Frances Lively instantly.

Nick approached her side, as she stood to leave, glancing at Sam with a look she could only view as that of a concerned father - she had reflected earlier in the day, that Nick had always seemed a little attached to Sam - well more so than, say Lenny, but she suspected that it was his own personal experience that was driving him to be at the girl's side over the previous day. "Sam?" He waited until the girl was giving him her full attention, before he gestured to Frances who still remained at the foot of the girl's bed and quickly beckoned Frances to join him in Sam's eye line, purely to make things easier for her. "This is Frances and I promise she'll take good care of you." He watched as Sam nodded, though she seemed disinterested in what she was actually being told.

He was almost relieved when Frances took over, of her own accord: "Nick told me you have a little girl?"

She chewed at her bottom lip nervously as she nodded her head before, confirming the existence of her daughter by simply repeating her name: "Millie."

"Well the moment you're awake, you can see Millie, okay?" Seemingly pacified by this agreement Sam nodded her head softly, and turned her startled looking blue eyes to meet his - he leant over to take her hand. "I'm going to go get ready, but we'll have you in theatre in ten minutes, alright?" With a quick smile Frances was gone, leaving him to perch at the edge of Sam bed and keep her company until they took her to theatre.

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><p><strong>I'd say you get answers on Friday - but, quite basically, you don't.. you get an update though?<strong>

**However, thank-you for bearing with me during this.. **

**Anny x **


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9 of 11.**

**I've had a really hectic week, so to all those who have reviewed up until now, thank you. **

**This gives you the tiniest hints of some answers; but not much, so I hope you enjoy it.**

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><p>He slammed the file he had been trying to read, to take his mind of events which should be beginning in theatre any minute, down onto the desk in front of him. He knew that walking away - particularly that morning - would have disappointed her, in fact he could hear her hysterical sobs half way down the corridor and he had desperately wanted to turn back and return to her side but the horrific memories had prevented him. When he first stepped into the ward that morning he had been hit with the overwhelming need to run away again, having seen Sam in the same vulnerable state a little over four years previously, he'd never had any particularly desire to see her like that again.<p>

Since he'd taken refuge in CDU though, he'd been unable to shake the previous events from his mind; even he had noticed his young colleague's ashen appearance however it had all came to a head the day Miriam had strolled up to him and practically trailed him to her office to discuss the obviously fragile state of the girl who she had entrusted to his care. She had revealed that she'd caught Sam throwing up in the ladies before her shift and had been quick to pass the judgement that she suspect Dylan was probably being too hard on the girl. Miriam's suspicions had been crushing at the time having just managed to sort his working life into an order which would accommodate the enthusiastic F1 and had been more than certain that he'd risen to the unexpected challenge.

As he stepped out of Miriam's office, she was quick to inform him that she was not alone in noticing the young F1's symptoms, and quietly had stated that half the nursing staff had speculated that Sam was in fact pregnant. This very thought had plagued his mind for the remainder of the day as he noticed she was less than her usual self and seemed both worn out and nauseous in equal measure.

Miriam had been the one to suggest that he tell the girl should she need to talk then she should feel able to talk to him, though when he repeated Miriam's words to her she'd been quickly to dismiss his concern and leave the room. He recalled that he had scowled at the door in disgust at Miriam making him go through the pain of reaching out to someone and it had been many years before he even considered that it was Sam's rejection that had hurt.

It was that very same day, however, that the true reasoning for Sam's sate had been revealed and his world had been turned on it's head by the enormity of his feelings. He'd been certain that she was actively avoiding him, until they'd been forced together; that act however, had forced him to question whether she was well enough to be working. While he had been debating the most suitable way to go about expressing this to her, he had failed to notice she'd walked away on her own. It had been the commotion outside which had even taken his mind from his patient - and once he'd been certain that he was leaving said patient in a trustworthy pair of hands - he had ventured from Resus and come face to face with Miriam. Her words had both shocked and appalled him for reasons which he'd been unable to comprehend.

He hadn't know what to think when Miriam had informed him that Sam had collapsed, his own emotions were far too difficult to comprehend that he'd opted to stay away from the girl. Miriam had forced him into to visiting her, on the fourth day since her collapse, stating that she would probably be grateful for a change in visitors. She'd been asleep when he'd arrived and when he made his intention to leave known, he found himself practically restrained by the nurse who insisted that she needed visitors and not people avoiding her because they didn't know what to say to her. She had woken briefly around ten minutes later, and quietly thanked him for coming to see her, before turning back onto her other side. He'd sat not knowing what to do until Miriam closely followed by a Neurologist had barged on to the ward and suddenly found himself shaking her awake eager to hear the results for himself.

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><p>He was aware that the nearing four hours of peace he appeared to have had would indicate that must be due an influx of patients soon so he wasn't overly startled when the doors opened suddenly. Though when he glanced up and prepared to start work, he was stunned by the presence of Zoe and his sleeping daughter - Zoe had placed the sleeping Millie on the bed nearest to the desk and calmly pulled the curtain which would hide her from the remainder of the ward, yet not him or herself, before sitting on the edge of the desk and beginning to attempt to engage him in conversation. "She was fine the last time." She had begun though she seemed to paused momentarily seemingly lost for words. "This time she's got something she has to live for, Sam's strong, Dylan." She had stopped talking when he had eventually brought his gaze to meet hers.<p>

He had taken his eyes from Zoe and turned to the small person, who Zoe had cited as Sam's reason to live and it was through the distraction of looking at his young daughter he had found words: "I don't think it quite works like that."

"Well, you can stay up here thinking negatively if you like," He noted that Zoe had paused, and from his memory he understood that had Sam done so, it would be to ensure he was actually listening to her. She had raised her eyebrows as those she had been expecting a reaction before she began again, "Meanwhile, Dylan there's a department down there, trying to stay positive and watch your daughter." Her voice seemed to have risen by the time that she'd finished berating him for his negative outlook.

His next were said in retaliation, and he wasn't even certain if he'd meant them or not himself, "Probably better suited to it than me." Zoe had stared pointedly at him, with a look of sympathy plastered across her face.

"You and Millie just haven't spent so much time with each other in a long time, it'll get better." She had spoken softly, reaching across the desk to hand his hand but he shrugged her off and began rummaging around in the desk drawer. She had began to speak again, as though she had been desperate to ask the question, since she'd learned of Millie's existence - which he mused she probably had been. "Where did she go when Sam was in Afghanistan?"

He'd know the question was going to be asked, but he wasn't prepared to explain and he suspected that he'd never be prepared to explain why Sam had deemed him so unsuitable to look after his own child. He busied himself with a patient file as he answered the question: "Her mother's."

"Why wasn't she with you?" The confusion was evident in Zoe's voice as she had queried Sam's decision. He groaned and prepared to answer the question is quickly as possible, "Sam felt it was for the best," When Zoe had raised her eyebrows, he realised that he would have to expand - unwilling to experience her persistent questions of him if he didn't. "You don't know what happened Zoe, so don't speak." He continued sure that he was sounding a lot more determined than he felt, because he would never be able to deny that it hurt when Sam had revealed her intentions despite how much he understood what she was doing, "Sam done what she thought she had to." He paused briefly, before saying quietly, "I don't blame her." He sighed as he finished talking averting his gaze from Zoe, when he recognised the questioning look which had washed across her face and he hadn't wished to stay on the subject any longer.

They were both snapped from their comfortable silence, by the sound of Millie waking and stretching her small body delicately. Zoe had looked at him pointedly, before sighing despairingly and moving herself to alert the child to that fact that she had not been left alone. "Hey, darling." He had watched as his small daughter, who seemed to have gained a much stronger likeness to her mother in the time he'd spent away from her. "Do you want to stay with daddy for a little while?" She paused, letting the girl nod her head softly, but she'd remained on the bed seemingly with no intention of getting any closer to him. "I'll come back soon…" He had the slightest feeling that Zoe's last comment, before she upped and left them both in the uncomfortable silence that appeared to have descended upon the ward following her departure, was meant more for his benefit than it was Millie's, though it had been the toddler who had responded to Zoe's remark with a tiny nod.

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><p>It was some time later, he found himself sitting by Sam's bedside waiting on her to come round from the anaesthetic, he had considered bring Millie with him momentarily but when he had looked through the staff room door - he noted that Tom had engaged the girl in some sort of activity their heads were bent together over the table and Lenny was talking to them both from his position at the sink - he decided that it would've been a shame to take her away to sit at her mother's bedside while she slept on.<p>

When he first noticed Sam's eyes flickering open, to had moved just a little closer in order to take her hand and prepared to have to ensure that she was aware of her surrounds. "Who has Millie?" However, his wife opening question indicated that she had no sense of disorientation following her time in theatre.

Even as he opened his mouth to answer Sam's question he found himself wondering just how long it would take them to provide Sam's biopsy results - he knew that Nick Jordan seemed to have taken an interest in Sam's care and he also mused that he probably had some sort of influence over the situation, so he was hopeful that they would know the results sooner than they had on the previous occasion they had found themselves in the same position.

"Tom and Lenny, I'm not sure what they were doing." As he said the words aloud he realised for the first time just how potentially dangerous they sounded, and he wasn't certain that any responsible parent would have trusted their only child in the custody of Tom and Lenny, doctors or not. His wife however, gave no indication that she was neither worried nor unhappy about who was responsible for her daughter's care. She nodded weakly, and tightened her hand around his, but her eyes had closed sleepily - the anaesthetic obviously hadn't completely worn off yet. As he sat watching Sam drift back into sleep, he recalled the enormity of the relief he'd felt, all those years previous, when Miriam had been able to tell him that feisty, young girl he had grown to care for - not that he would've admitted that then - had not been suffering from cancer. It was when Sam had mumbled in her sleep he considered that the reason he was pushing himself from her, once again, was perhaps because he believed that this time she probably wouldn't be so fortunate.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading!<strong>

**So, yes, Sunday.. it will be up - I just need to finish writing it first. **

**However, the answers will begin... **

**Anny x **


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10 of 11. **

**Once, again, huge thanks to everyone who has been reviewing this; particularly Meggi and Callie who have been listening to me ramble about how this will go from day one. **

**I'm not as pleased with this chapter as I'd like - and much prefer Tuesday's - but it does what it is meant to do, so I hope you enjoy...**

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><p>She'd almost collapsed when Nick had relayed the news to her and she'd been insanely grateful that little Millie was still in the charge of Drs Kent and Lyons, as nonsensical that statement would appear to anyone not currently involved in the situation themselves. She'd felt her legs buckled and found herself sitting on the sofa in his office, Nick looking at her - his face a picture of concern - as she shook her head wearily, unable to explain how the news had made her feel.<p>

However that news had been at least fifteen hours previously now, yet she had found herself in the same position this time she was relieving Nick of babysitting duties - when she'd entered the office not ten minutes previously, she'd noted that both Nick and the small child had seemed fairly comfortable in each others company. She been shocked to silence when she'd arrived and found the girl sitting atop Nick's desk intently studying jigsaw pieces while the Clinical Lead either confirmed or redirected her suspicions of their place. She's wondered briefly if the activity had appealed to the doctor or the teacher in Nick - and more briefly whether it was the fatherly nature he sometimes allowed to be shown outwardly - as he aided in the putting back together of the bear themed image. When she'd reached the desk, herself, she had wondered whether or not she was looking at a young Sam - while physically the girl certainly resembled her mother, it remained unclear whether Millie Keogh had also adopted her personality of Sam. As she noted Nick's fond smile in her direction when she'd clapped her hands excitedly at fitting the final piece of her puzzle together, she considered that it was his fondness and understanding with the girl's mother which had prompted his early morning jigsaw puzzle activities. "I thought I'd take Millie up to see Sam…" She realised the sound of her voice had startled the obviously engaged Nick when he looked up quickly.

"Daddy says Mummy hurt her head when she fell down the stairs…" The sudden speech from the toddler startled both Nick and herself, and as they turned to face her, the child broke off suddenly, blue eyes widened - before she began again in excited whisper "…was she running? Because she always tells me not to run on the stairs because I might fall and hurt myself. But she always runs on the stairs!" They had both listened with interest until the girl had finished with an exasperated sigh and a slight shake of her head. Zoe looked at Nick in that moment unsure of how to deal with the situation.

"No." He'd managed to begin to speak straight away, immediately dismissing Millie's claims and responded when the girl had looked up at him in question. "She just slipped…" He paused as though in hope that the girl might accept his answer without further question.

Upon breaking into their conversation for a second time Millie had immediately regained their attention: "Daddy told Mummy that she was going to end up being badly in-inju-re-injured…" The girl had managed to twist her tongue around the word before she'd looked up at them expectantly in question of her pronunciation and she had nodded quickly to her. Upon seeing the positive answer Millie had returned to repeating Dylan's words back to them: "…and then I'd not get to see her anymore." She'd blinked at the innocence of the girl who had no understanding as to what her words had truly meant, before turning to Nick, the look on his face ensuring her that he too knew the words Millie had heard were more than likely referring to Sam's army posting. She girl had frowned, as she thought about her words, and turned quickly to Nick, moving closer to whisper to him, "Do I still get to see Mummy? Because I seen her yesterday after she was hurt." He'd closed his eyes, placing his fingers to his temple before he had been able to answer.

She felt him look up at her as he spoke, "Yes. That's where Zoe is going to take you right now. Aren't you Zoe?" She nodded automatically on hearing her naming being included in the conversation before gently reaching out to pick the toddler from the table where she was perched.

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><p>Sam was asleep when she'd stepped into the ward, some half hour beforehand; little Millie had managed to somehow allow herself to be sat on Sam's bed and had long since lain down beside her with her head rested on her mothers stomach. Zoe had considered leaving them to go and have a conversation with the nurse who could possibly tell her more about Sam's state of mind the night before, given that she seemed far from her usual bright self who was always up at the crack of dawn, she pondered whether or not she'd had a bad night. "Millie…" She leant towards the little girl, whispering so as not to wake Sam. She turned when the little girl turned to face her, "…I'm just going to talk to the nurse. Will you tell mummy where am I when she wakes up." She waited until the little girl had nodded against her mother's stomach before she had managed to somehow thread her tiny fingers through Sam's.<p>

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><p>Her mind was spinning when she stepped away from the nurse, wondering why no one had thought to contact herself, Nick or in fact Dylan - when it had become clear that Sam was so upset. When she'd seen Dylan the previous evening he had not mentioned any potential upset or distress just that she'd still been groggy after surgery and had drifted in and out of sleep for the few hours he was there, and therefore he thought it would be best that Millie's visit was postponed until the morning.<p>

She was walking back towards Sam's bed when she heard the muffled voices, indicating that Sam was now awake. However, her mind was still focussing on the events of the previous evening which the nurse had filled her in on; she strongly suspected that it was the knowledge of the awful experience of his night with Millie which Dylan had relayed to her the previous morning that had been playing heavily on Sam's mind preventing her from sleep. She wasn't sure she'd ever admit that Dylan had huddled himself in CDU all night, leaving little Millie in the on-call room with her and that between herself and Nick they had ensured the little girl was never alone.

She pulled the curtain gently open, hoping not to startle either of the occupants - however, she shouldn't have bothered as neither acknowledged that someone else had even entered the confided space - and she watched as mother and daughter held an animated conversation, as they lay facing each other on the bed. When the younger of the blonde girls seemed to close her eyes sleepily; the elder lift her head and noticed the they were no longer alone. "Hi." Her voice was quiet, but her small smile was slightly more encouraging, on reflection.

She watched while Sam's threaded her fingers through a sleeping Millie's hair, when she started speaking, "Grade one, Sam…" She watched as the younger woman nodded her head softly, as if she couldn't quite believe what she had been told, she sat down at the opposite side of the bed from Millie and took Sam's hand before she leant her head in closer and whispered softly, "It's all just the same as before."

Sam had turned her head slowly and nodded before she took a deep breath and spoke slowly, "I could see before." She noted from her tone that she had felt that her condition had been much worse than what she had suffered previously.

She took a moment trying to decide what would be the best method to bring Sam's thoughts back on to the situation they were involved in, "Frances wants to do the operation tomorrow." She stopped looking for a reaction from Sam. However, when she didn't react Zoe began to speak again, "This little one," She paused indicating Millie before starting again, "She can just be about the department - you know want Charlie's like with childcare arrangements. Maybe she can go do some more jigsaws with Nick." She stopped but quickly expanded when she noted the look of confusing which had crossed Sam's face. "That's where I found her this morning."

She paused realising what she'd said when Sam suddenly looked up in alarm and confusion before speaking slowly - never taking her fingers from her sleeping daughter's hair - as she looked up expectantly at Zoe. "Where's Dylan?" She stopped talking as suddenly as she had started and continued to look up at her in confusion.

Zoe began to speak softly, hoping that if she had said it quietly enough then "I'm not sure," She watched as Sam looked up at her and from her face she could only read a look of disappointment. "Would you rather he had her tomorrow?" She questioned her quietly, hoping that she wouldn't demand that Dylan looked after their daughter - not wanting to have to broach that conversation with Dylan, given his reaction the day previous.

She was almost relieved when the blonde shook her head softly, "No," Sam dropped her gaze from Zoe and back to Millie as she continued. "Whatever is easier."

"Is this about the reason he wasn't allowed her when you went to Afghanistan?" She'd spoken quietly, hoping that Sam wouldn't feel that she was over stepping the mark with her pointed question.

"No." Sam's answer was quickly and just when Zoe felt that she wouldn't expand further she began to speak again, "That was different. I didn't know what he was likely to do. I had to know she'd always be safe." She bit her lip nervously and shook her head as though indicating that she no longer wished to talk about it.

"What happened?" Sam shook her head as though reluctant to expand any further "What scared you that much?" She'd questioned her softly.

"He almost let her drown!" Her voice was harsh and seemed to indicated that she had yet to forgive Dylan for this particular event. "The boat always scared me, especially when she started walking about the place - because he had to leave the door open for the dog…" She paused looking up at Zoe as if hoping that she understood what she was trying to tell her, but her face must have shown the confusion that she felt because Sam expanded quickly, "…and Millie was old enough to just walk right out it with her." Zoe nodded herself and watched as Sam tried to explain further, "She used to follow her around." She stopped speaking and turned away from Zoe and back to Millie.

"And you blamed him?" She broached the subject tentatively and hoped that the question wouldn't cause Sam to clam up completely.

Sam snapped then, turning back towards her and speaking furiously low as she tried to explain, "He was drunk," She took a deep breath and paused, covering her face with her hands and seemed to use the moment to calm herself down before she began to speak again. "It was my fault, I shouldn't have left her with him; I should've known. He was in such a state when the complaint got made, he'd been drinking for three days. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done." She stopped suddenly and seemed to lose herself in the thoughts of the previous events, Zoe reached across and squeezed her hand hoping to provide some sort of comfort and they sat in silence trying to take in Sam's sudden, shocking revelation as if unable to accept that the words had been said aloud.

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><p><strong>The next and final update will be posted on Tuesday.. <strong>

**thank you for reading, up until now... **

**Anny x **


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11 of 11.**

**To the very lovely Callie, Meggi and Ficmouse for their continued support over this; and their little guesses and queries - and of course for being there listening to rambles during the writing process. **

**It's a bit of an extended final chapter - because some of the stuff was meant to have a little story of its own to explain their background - but I didn't have time, turns out the student life is a little more hectic than the media would have you believe - silly essays/presentations/psychology research - however, it's all over very soon. **

**To all my lovely reviewers, thank you very much for your interest and support in this, I'm rather pleased that you've enjoyed it and I do hope that you'll be relatively pleased by how it all concludes. **

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><p>Tom pushed open the door of the ward that he was certain was where Zoe had told him to go; she'd taken Millie up to see Sam about half an hour previously, hoping to give Sam some sort of strength from seeing her daughter before she was taken back into theatre. However, since then she'd been caught up in an urgent case and he'd been sent in her steed to collect the little girl and reassure Sam that she'd be cared for while she was in surgery.<p>

Almost immediately upon entering the ward he spotted the mother and daughter duo in hushed conversation with their heads bent together. He approached them, seeming more confident than he felt, when he began to speak: "Zoe was rushed away," He began in explanation when Sam had looked up at him, "So I'm going to take Millie down the stairs," He stopped momentarily to gauge Sam's reaction though upon seeing no negative reaction he continued "If that's okay?" He smiled to the girl, reaching his hand out for her to take as Sam nodded her head - giving Millie a gentle push, before pressing a kiss to her forehead as she gently pushed her hair behind her ears and out of the girls face.

It was as he and Millie were heading for the stairs he spotted Mr Jordan and who could only assume was the Neurologist passing him as they seemed to be heading for Sam's side.

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><p>As he pushed the door open, letting Frances step through it first the sound of the clicking as her heels hit the solid flooring seemed deafening as he tried to clear his mind in preparation for seeing Sam. She'd been sitting on the edge of the bed, kicking her legs absentmindedly when he got closer to her, he noted that she was biting her lip nervously and seemed almost like a lost child. He sat down next to her, taking one of her hands before he began to speak, "Morning Sam," She'd looked up at his words, but her gaze had immediately fallen on Frances. "Sam?" He questioned softly, hoping to regain her attention.<p>

Even after she'd turned to look at him she still seemed to be lost in a world of her own, and he suspected that she might have been hopeful that Dylan would visit before her operation - but with that imminent he doubted that Dr Keogh would in fact show up. "Are you okay for this to happen now?" He queried and watched with relief when she had nodded her head.

"Of course," She'd started confidently, before breaking off to glance at the door, "Have you seen Dylan this morning?" She sighed in disappointment when the Clinical Lead had shook his head, squeezing her hand tighter in his obviously trying to provide her with some form of comfort.

She changed the subject hastily alarmed by the sudden tears which were prickling at her eyes: "Will you thank Zoe for having Millie last night, please?"

She watched as the Clinical Lead had nodded at her before he stood, placing his hand on her shoulder in a gesture of reassurance, before leaving her with Frances.

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><p>Millie had been in his care for a little under two hours and had fallen asleep in the staff room, and when Tess had appeared on a break moments before he'd managed to coerce her into agreeing to stay with Millie while he went to see Dylan and attempted to encourage him to spend some time with Millie. Admittedly his reluctance to see his daughter had puzzled Tom somewhat, while he assumed that the consultant had his reasons for wanting to be apart from Millie, he couldn't help but feel that the situation must be confusing for the three year old.<p>

He'd watched as the consultant, not known for his accommodating nature, had raised his head from his paperwork and stared at him - though Tom was almost certain that Dylan was staring through him rather than at him and frankly, it was beginning to make him rethink his decision. "I, um," He began, "I thought you'd maybe want to see Millie?" He queried determinedly, despite Zoe's assurance that he'd be unable to coax Dylan from the barricade of CDU.

The older man looked at him, a little more seriously upon hearing his words, and he wasn't certain that it made him feel anymore hopeful, "Is she ill?" He frowned in confusion before he shook his head, unsure of how Dylan's mind seemed to work; unsure of whether he would have been concerned about his daughter's health had she been or if he'd seen it as another case which he could use to distract himself from Sam's condition, even if he maintained denying that, that was in fact the true reason he'd been cuddled in CDU for days on end. "Well I'm sure she can manage without me." Unable to find anything to say in response he turned and retreated from the ward.

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><p>She'd had to stop at the door of the staff room, where the majority of the on-shift ED staff - with one notable exception - appeared to be, when she was faced with the enormity of relaying the news from the theatre team. When she stepped inside her attention was immediately grabbed by Lenny and Linda, who appeared to be allowing Tom a break and were huddled in the far corner of the staff room with Millie sat on Lenny's knee as Linda handed the bowl of what appeared to be soup to her male counterpart and sat herself down next to them before accepting the bowl once again.<p>

When she opened the door the room had descended into a silence of which you could hear a pin drop, had you chosen to, and she felt every pair of eyes in room on her, expectantly. She wasn't sure she'd be able to articulate what she had to say, and when prompted by Charlie she'd only managed to nod her head and the murmur of joy and relief had filtered through the room was enough for her to realise that she could now go to find Dylan and share the news - which she suspected may be a more difficult task.

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><p>As she walked towards the doors leading to CDU - she became aware that she wasn't certain what she'd say, though Nick had informed her that he'd passed the news on and that Dylan had even managed to look relieved by the news. She approached the desk in the far corner of the room, as quietly as her heels would allow her, before she began to speak "Nick said that he'd told you the news?' She wasn't sure why she'd queried Nick's words and was expecting some snappy retort in response. However, she felt that her face must have reflected the confusion which she felt upon hearing no response at all. "It's good news Dylan," She began again, "I thought that you'd be relieved." She stopped talking and sat down in the seat opposite him - which following the previous few days was not an unlikely position for them to be in.<p>

She almost jumped in fright when Dylan suddenly spoke, "Who said I wasn't relieved?" He'd snapped at her, his eyes never leaving her as though he was expecting an answer.

She began to speak again, steering the conversation in another direction: "When Nick was ill, I didn't react the way that I thought I would," She paused hoping that he'd understand the enormity of her words before she could bring herself to continue, "Not until I really had to and maybe I was afraid of him thinking that I didn't care but I know that Sam is frightened, and that she really needs someone…" She stopped talking the moment that she heard the chair scrap across the floor and she realised that Dylan had got to his feet and was making his way across the ward, purposefully. She sat there for a few moments, before she sighed contentedly and got to her feet - feeling as if she'd made an impact at least - ready to return to the ED content that Sam might finally have the support of the one person whose support she had wanted all along.

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><p>With Millie's hand clasped in his, he pushed open the door, careful not to disturb Sam if she was sleeping,and he'd settled himself down into the seat by her bedside and Millie had found her way to his lap. They remained in silence until Sam had opened her eyes around ten minutes later, immediately stirring when she became aware of the presence by her side. She stretched out an arm and Millie automatically clambered onto the bed and tucked herself into Sam's side furthest way from Dylan.<p>

When she tried to speak her voice was quiet, and her throat dry, "Dylan," She paused momentarily, waiting to see if the man in question would respond.

"I'm sorry, Sam." She was so stunned by his words that she wasn't certain had she not seen his lips move she'd never have believed that he'd been the one to utter them.

As stunned as she was, she was equally confused - though she considered that the apology may be referring to his poor treatment of their daughter, she concluded that she would like the clarification, "What for?"

He'd looked up at her for the briefest of moments before his eyes had dropped to the floor and he began to speak, though not directly to her: "Everything; Millie, the way I've been acting," He paused and raised his gaze back to her before he spoke again, reaching over to take his hand before he did so, "The baby," He stopped then, as though wanting her to show some indication that she was aware of what baby he was in fact talking about. She felt instantly very sick, Dylan had never acknowledged their child after the day when he'd broken his promise that they could talk. She felt tears prick at the back of her eyes as she struggled to block out the memories that the mention of the child she'd lost evoked.

She recalled that he couldn't even bring himself to make eye contact with her when she had really desperately needed to speak to him, and he'd promised - she'd felt the sting of threatening tears in her eyes and the more unfamiliar twinges in her stomach as she had willed him to stick to his promise. It was a particularly sharp pain which made her realise that all was not well, and she'd sunk slowly down onto the closed toilet seat trying to resist the urge to simultaneously throw up, burst into tears and cry out in pain. She'd known then what was happening. His promise might not have mattered by this stage, but it would've been nice if he'd kept it.

She reflected that she couldn't quite understand how she'd found herself in the same position two days in a row, having been sat in these very toilets staring at the blue line which just seemed to becoming clearer and clearer as the seconds ticked by, the previous afternoon. She had felt an overwhelming sickness she couldn't comprehend as she struggled to take in the information and then her mind began to drift to thoughts of having to confess her news. To say the news didn't go down well would have been a complete understatement. He'd left her crying on the staff room sofa, until one of the senior nurses had come in and tried determinedly to consol her over his harsh and blunt attitude while ensuring her it was nothing personal and he treated everyone like that, but she didn't understand that it was personal and she didn't feel at all like correcting her.

She was prised from her memories by Dylan continuing to speak, "I just couldn't deal with it; it was too much…" He seemed to mumble before he trailed off, as he wasn't sure of what he was saying or she suspect that it was more likely that he didn't know how to word the rest of his thoughts without causing offence.

She couldn't be certain where she'd found her own voice, but she felt like she'd suddenly been given the opportunity to say everything that she'd wanted to say four years previously: "I really wanted that baby." She stopped when she noted the look of alarm which had crossed his face, as if he couldn't understand why she would feel that way. She smiled slightly at him before she began again, hoping to clarify things, "Because they would've been ours." She finished speaking and quickly turned away from him, feeling unable to face him after her sudden confession.

"That night should never have happened." She heard the dismay in Dylan's voice, much like it had been all those years previously when he'd first articulated that the night they'd spent together was a mistake.

She bit her lip nervously as she began to speak, "I barely remember anything after those children died," She blinked back the tears which always came to her eyes whenever she recalled the first true horror she'd experienced as a doctor before she turned to face him. "I know Miriam was angry. I never told her it was your baby, she just knew, somehow." She was never certain but she always suspected that he had blamed her for Miriam finding out he was the father of the baby she'd lost - when she'd collapsed in pain the kindly doctor had been the one to look after her and she'd been the one to tell her that her little baby just wasn't meant to be.

"It doesn't matter not now," He husband's words stunned her, and she felt that it may have been all that he'd wished to say on the matter but he stunned her further by continuing, "You shouldn't have had to deal with that alone." She was unable to stop the tears from falling as he reached across to take her hand in his, while he spoke, seemingly determined to explain himself. "I just couldn't deal with what had happened, I couldn't face you because I knew I'd have to admit that night to myself and I thought that I'd never forgive myself for what happened." He paused momentarily, "It really was just my intention to walk you home." She had looked up at him seriously then and brushed away the tears which had fallen.

She settled herself further down beneath the blankets, "That's all I remember, you walking me home," She paused to yawn, and rub her eyes sleepily before continuing, determined to explain everything she felt years previously and had never managed to tell anyone. "Then it was the next morning and you were trying to make excuses and leave and I just remember trying to work out why you were there. Then everything just came flooding back: those children dying, the pub, crying over you and it was me not you who had initiated…" She stopped talking when he dropped her hand from his and held it up while she chewed on her lower lip waiting to see what he was planning on saying.

He rubbed his hand wearily over his face as he spoke, "Either way, I should have resisted, and anyway it's not just about that," He paused and she blinked up at him in confusion before he began to speak again, "I'm sorry I've been so useless with Millie. I just feel so guilty and when we were on the boat, it was all just there again." She could tell from the look in his eyes, the guilt that he felt, and she reached to take his hand, "You shouting, crying and I remember not reacting," "I don't understand why you never walked out then." Truthfully, she couldn't bring herself to walk out on him, but she'd never be able to deny that she had wanted to kill him upon her return from work to find the neighbours wrapping Millie in blankets and assuring her that while her little girl had tumbled into the water she had been pulled out by one of their sons almost immediately.

"Stop it Dylan." She'd snapped at him, probably harsher than intended, but she felt that she had to let him know, "I forgave you. You stopped drinking, you seen the possible outcome." She smiled up at him, feeling a small hint of pride that he'd been able to see that he couldn't continue the way he had been, for Millie's sake, if not for anyone else. "I'm not going to lie and say that the thought of her being able to walk out like that again, does frighten me. But her being with you doesn't frighten me." She pulled at his hand forcing him to sit at the edge of the bed, as Millie stirred and moved to reposition herself against Sam's chest before she closed her eyes again, letting Sam resume speaking, "You aren't the reason I make you come to the flat," She felt her own eyes fluttering closed and she managed to open her eyes once again in order to ensure that her husband understand she was telling the truth, "Okay?" He nodded every so slightly and she curled herself further around the blankets.

It was as he looked at the scene in front of him; Millie sleeping curled up with her head against Sam's chest and Sam herself fighting sleepiness, that he realised he would have to learn to care for Millie again, if only to give Sam a break when she needed it or indeed to allow Millie to have two parents in her life. Which he mused would be required if they ever found themselves in a similar situation, again, because he wasn't certain that Sam would be quite so forgiving if he let their daughter be passed around the department like a package for a second time. As he intertwined his fingers with hers he found a way to express the words which he had tried and failed to articulate years previously: "I do love her you know, she was just a bit of a shock…" His wife had nodded sleepily, as if in understanding, before she closed her eyes and appeared to have drifted off to sleep herself.

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><p><strong>Once again, thank you for reading and sticking with this until the end. <strong>

**I do hope that you enjoyed it! **

**Anny x **


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